This is an email I sent to some friends this morning. Thought I'd share it here...
This is probably a more appropriate conversation to have in person, (which I welcome), but given our crazy lives and schedules, I figured I would email to start.
Last night you both asked how I was doing. Which I appreciate deeply!
It became clear to me, though, that you only wanted to hear good, positive, wonderful and upbeat words and feelings from me. It was obvious that you both were trying to "help" me see the good stuff going on.
And it bothered me...
I love my friends and appreciate their support and love daily. As you know I am an emotional and intense woman. I spend my days listening and guiding emotional and intense people. But I don't let my patients know anything about my emotional or intense feelings. It is what makes me an intuitive and caring professional.
There is an incredible amount of good in my life. I'm aware, I'm appreciative and grateful, and I'm even excited for it all!
But I also feel the strain and worry, stress and overwhelm of my reality.
I put on a show all day long. When I'm with my friends, I want to be real.
I don't want to have to pretend with you. If you find me depressing to be around, then I'll put the show on for you too. I understand not everyone likes or can handle being around intense people.
I know how to relax and have fun. I like it. I want more of it. But when my friends ask how I'm doing, I don't want to just say "Fine," and move on.
I want to be able to say, "Pretty shitty right now, thanks," and they still know that I am so grateful for the good stuff.
I am working very hard in my present day-to-day life to integrate sadness, disappointment and even anger, together with gratefulness, satisfaction and fun. I believe they can exist together!!
...I'm rambling. Being intense. So, to be continued in person....if you want.
I hope I haven't overstepped any boundaries. I just needed to express how I feel.
Love you guys dearly and so appreciate your friendships! Really, I do!!
Have a great day,