Meeting at the school

Today I drove to Jerusalem to meet with the principal and guidance counselor at NED’s school. I wanted to express my concerns that NED comes home almost daily and emphatically exclaims that she “Is not going back to that school!” or “The girls are so mean” or “The teacher (or principal or girls) is/are always yelling at me.”

Our meeting consisted of me speaking mostly in English, the principal speaking to me in clear slow Hebrew and the guidance counselor speaking mostly in broken English. It worked out fine.

Want to know the bottom line?

When NED walks into the school, girls waiting with hugs and kootchys swarm her. All the girls adore her – according to the principal and guidance counselor – and is one of the most popular girls in her class. The grade above her has girls who baby her and love to take care of her. She is extremely outspoken in class and has done amazingly with her Hebrew skills.

So this is my question: How do children create within themselves such a low sense of self when they are loved just the same as the other children in the home.

Rationally, I know the answer, but it’s so hard for me to understand it within my own children.

Each child is so different. Each child processes the world around it differently. Each child understands the world differently. Each child needs differently.

So when NED hears “NO” to anything she asks for, she hears ‘She’s yelling at me’.

Academically, NED is doing better than she ever has in her school career. It’s the social stuff that is really messing her up.

Love. That’s what NED needs. Lots of love. More or differently than the others. But Love.

Positive reinforcement. A reward chart for when she can find the positive in her day. Reminding her that people do like her.

Ya know - it took me years to figure all this stuff out.

I admit, NED is my mirror…

Our meeting ended with the principal asking if there was any extra stress in the home recently.

Ha! Stress? Recently?

Where should I start?!