Shai's funeral

The following is a copy of the email I sent to about 30 family and friends in the States after the funeral yesterday. It was just easier for me to copy it here than to rewrite the whole experience.

D is my second cousin. Her grandmother, whom I am named for, and my grandfather were brother and sister. She married Shai 9 years ago and had triplets a little over 3 years ago.

I was only introduced to D at NED's Bat Mitzvah 4 months ago and in many ways I feel as if I have known her my whole life. I am so excited to have more family here in Israel!!

Here's the letter and I promise to move away from the death topic...soon.

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Once again, Hello family and friends:
I had not intended to write again so soon, but D has asked me to write about today and the goings on over the last several days.

Today was the very sad and tragic funeral of Shai ben Uri V’Batsheva, husband of our very strong and brave D.

After I left D with Shai last Thursday, it seems he spiked a fever and needed heavy doses of medication to keep him comfortable. In simple terms he went to sleep and never really woke up. The family was with Shai all Shabbat and D joined them later in the day as she was with the girls. When she arrived at the hospital Shabbat afternoon, Shai was still sleeping. D very beautifully described Shai’s last breath and her thankfulness in being there.

It was decided by the family that the funeral would take place today and shiva would be at Shai’s mother’s home. My husband and I drove to D’s home today at noon. Several other friends came to be with her before we all went to the funeral together. I know D felt loved and supported by us and her friends and I felt much more reassured that there are people who care about her, who live in Israel.

The funeral was very crowded. It was a graveside service with hundreds of people from of all walks of life, from every aspect of Shai’s life. (Unfortunately we forgot our camera, so I am not able to send any pictures! So sorry!) D spoke in English from her heart. She spoke beautifully about her life with Shai and the memories she will carry with her. Several others spoke in Hebrew – the mayor of Kfar Saba, and two childhood friends of Shai’s. You might be interested to know that the IDF Chief of Staff Lt. General Moshe Ya’alon was standing right in front of Ari and I. (And was surrounded by security guards, who were very serious looking!) His presence was to honor the sacrifices the family men have made to the Land of Israel.

My heart went out to Uri, Shai’s father, when he said the kaddish (memorial prayer). As complicated as the family dynamics are for D, the loss Shai’s family has endured is beyond what any family should have to face. I hope Shai’s family does not negate, though, the horrible loss this has been for D and her girls as well!

D brought the girls to the funeral. For the most part they were not a problem. D has several friends and family members from Shai’s family who the girls know and are willing to go to. Of course they were very clingy to D, but she juggled them like a pro!

After the funeral ended, I was sitting with one of the triplets on a bench. I’m not sure if someone asked her, but I heard her tell someone, “Abba leych l’shamayim” (Daddy went to heaven). D has been very open with her daughters. She gives them only as much as they ask or need to know. They are extremely loved and loving by and towards D. D was very clear that she would attend the shiva at Shai’s mother, but would leave to pick up the girls from gan at 3:30 and bring them back to the shiva house. She would then leave again at 7:30-8 to go home and put the girls to sleep. D very much wants and needs to keep the girls on a schedule.

After this week of shiva is over, the reality will begin to sink in for her and she will certainly need her family around her.

She thanks everyone for their love and apologizes if she is not able to call or speak to you right away.

I hope this helps you to feel connected here. I will continue to keep you updated as needed.

May we meet at celebrations!

Love,
Cousin Sarahb