Death Happened…

I was feeling guilty all Shabbat for not calling and checking in with my cousin before Shabbat. I was distracted with all of my company and preparations and never called.

Tonight, about 2 hours after Shabbat ended, I received the phone call. My cousin called to tell me that her husband had passed away at 6 PM after falling into a coma Thursday.

Baruch Dayan HaEmet. Blessed is the True Judge.

When I left her on Thursday she said to me that she hoped he wouldn’t have to suffer long. And I guess he didn’t. He had fever on Thursday night, and with the help of medication he went to sleep, never to wake up again.

I had explained to my cousin on Thursday what death usually looked like. I told her what I remembered from my Grandma’s death – the final breath, the final burst of life before laying back down and going to sleep forever.

My cousin told me tonight that she is so glad I told her about that. She said that her husband took his final breath, she witnessed it, and it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

She is a strong woman. Much more than I.

MB said she hates when she is saying tehillim (psalms) for sick people and then she doesn’t have to say them anymore. I assured her that it wasn’t that her prayers didn’t work. We knew he wasn’t going to live. I explained that her prayers helped him not to suffer – which he didn’t.

ELY wanted to know if there is food when you get to shamayim (heaven), and when he was coming back to see his girls. It’s harder to explain to a 5 year old. I don’t want her to be afraid.

So tomorrow I go to spend the day with my cousin. She has asked me to be with her before the funeral. I don’t know if I have the strength. Emotionally and mentally, I’m exhausted.

With Purim this week, my presentation next week, DB’s unhappiness in school, NED’s unhappiness in school and our not knowing where we are going to live in 3 months—I’m not sure how I’m going to do it.

But I guess I will.

I will have to.

I will find the strength and somehow make it all happen.

I will have to trust that everything will work out.

In between the tears…

Death happens and life goes on.