Early morning writing

I’m not walking this morning. I have walked every morning this week and need a break. What I really want to do is go back to sleep, but can’t do that. Too much noise outside – still construction going on. And once my head is up, there’s no turning it off!

I woke up from a crazy dream this morning. Couldn’t get it to go away. Tried “Happy thoughts” but it didn’t work. Some kind of fighting. Like real violence fighting. Ari was in it. And others I can’t place now. They planned fights. I just hid. Weird! Very weird! And scary. And disturbing.

My belly is really speaking to me this week. Saw my new holistic doctor yesterday. I am convinced that my belly problems are 90% caused by emotional stuff. Which just aggravates me more because I have nothing to have emotional stuff about. I have a great life.

But it’s like I have a bug that won’t go away. An emotional bug, that keeps the negative thoughts and feelings there. And won’t go away. I fight them – I really do, but they are obviously there on an unconscious level. And so I continue to have belly pain and discomfort – constantly.

I am off most sugar (which means I cheat minimally), no dairy, no wheat, no combining protein and carbs together, no drinking during my meals, and a lot of other random “no more eats”. And still I have the pain. Mornings are the worst – like now.
So I know it has to do with emotions…

Blah…..

I worry. I have anxiety about things being “just right.” I care a lot about people. I fret. I get angry at injustice. I have to be responsible – all the time. I hold it all in my belly.

Maybe my dream was about the fight I have in my belly to be well? Far-fetched? Maybe.

Have a good day.