Dreamin' tears

Last night was a weird and scary night.

I awoke to the sound of my house alarm turning itself on by itself. Any movement after that would have set off the alarm and woken the girls and the neighbors.

I panicked. Not sure what to do.

I was never very good at alarm systems. Didn’t grow up with one. Only had one after marriage in our first house in Lowell.

I’m intimidated by the technical stuff, especially stuff that makes a lot of noise and/or tells me that there is danger.

I jumped out of bed and started pressing buttons on the keypad in our bedroom. I guess I finally deactivated it.

I started to shake and called the alarm company to ask what had happened and if I did the right thing. Of course, they didn’t know. I needed to call back in the morning to speak to a technician.

I felt vulnerable and insecure. Ari isn’t here and I needed to be brave, but I couldn’t be.

I called him in the US and cried. I was tired. I was scared.

He was visiting an old NCSYer. He needed to go. What was he going to do or say anyhow?

I fell asleep with a wet pillow. And I must have slept heavily. Because my dreams were real!

Back to public school. We all looked the same (i.e NO AGING PROCESS), but I hadn’t seen everyone in a very long time. I was remembering with them things that we did in high school as well as things we did in past dreams - weird!!

Glenn and Julius, Matthew and Jay, Tammy, Kim, Susie, Mark, Francis, Sharon, Lori – they were all there. And it was so real. And familiar.

Was dreaming about them supposed to make me feel more secure?