Being of the age

It occured to me on this trip back to the states that I am at the age where my friends and my parents are getting older and starting to leave us in this world.

My trip to the states is always meant to recharge my batteries and give a little sunshine to my grandparents. Seeing the rest of my family and friends recharges me and seeing my grandparents, although lifts me some, is really meant to life them.

My whole trip changed when I received the upsetting call from one of my closest childhood friends, affectionately known by me as "Scoop", that her father had surprisingly and suddenly passed away. I was overcome by shock and stunned into emotional and physical paralysis. For over 4 hours on that Friday I could do nothing but make phone calls and sit by the phone. And think.

Mr. Stern was the third of my close friend's parents to pass away in the last several months. The reality of it hit me hard. Besides the fact that Mr. Stern was a warm and kind man, and whenever I saw him, his smile made me feel like I made a difference in the world, I began to realize that I had many "parents" from my teenage years that I owed hakarat hatov (appreciation) and needed to be in touch with.

As well, as would seem obvious, Mr. Stern's death brought me to think about and assess my own relationship with my parents.

I preceded to call or visit all my "parents", just to say hello, thank you, and thinking of you. It was not easy. The same way saying good bye to my grandparents - not knowing if I would see them again - realizing, I am of the age.

I found myself in caretaking mode - something I know very well. I love. I caretake. Because I love.

I was satisfied that I was there - for Scoop and her family - and for me. Scoop and I have been through alot together. A LOT!! Our friendship goes back to when we were in 5th and 6th grades. It has not been easy to stay in touch. But we have both always known we are thinking of each other. And caring. And loving. And smiling at the memories!

Life gets older. Day by day.

Learning to appreciate what I have is the best thing for me.

And still just being...or learning to be.