Sunday, April 08, 2018


Isn’t that always the first thought or question we ask when we hear surprising news?

When we hear that a married couple we admired is getting divorced. What?!
When we hear that a dear friend is diagnosed with breast cancer. What?!
When we hear that a young mother-to-be does not carry her pregnancy to term. What?!

Or the devastating, inexplicable news we hear that one of our best friend’s 24-year-old sons has died suddenly. WHAT?!

What? We ask. What?
We immediately want to make sense of what we are hearing. 
Our brains need to make sense of the information we are hearing.
Our brains need to understand the words and make sense of them.
So we ask questions to help our “what?”
What happened? How did it happen? When did it happen? Who found out? And when? What happened first? Then what?
Our brains make order of traumatic information by asking questions.
It calms down our confusion and disbelief. It calms our fear of the unknown.

But really, can we really make sense of tragedy?
There is nothing logical about the emotion of pain and grief and loss.
It’s an extreme emotion.
It never makes any sense. 

And really, what difference do any of the answers make?
The heart of the tragedy is broken. A mother’s heart is broken. A father’s heart is numb. Brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, and a whole community: all with broken hearts!
The loss is unbearable.

Can we try to let go of our brain’s need to understand and makes sense?
We know it doesn’t. 
Instead can we focus on just the fact?
Loss. Gone. A young life over. 
Can we just try to hold that?

That is what I am trying to do.
Letting go of my need to know how or why or what or when?
And instead, remind my brain that it’s never going to make sense. Never.
So I prefer to take that energy and give it, instead, to holding and loving and caring and supporting my friend and her family in my heart.
Because that, I can make sense of:
Love in my heart, for my friend in pain. That is real.
And that is much more helpful to my friend, than the senseless questions that don’t really matter now.

I challenge us all to let go of the need to know and make sense.
And just send love from our hearts.

May all our broken hearts find healing, in the right time...


At 1:26 AM, Blogger SB&JE said...

your message is so important// for those who can just send love and no questions no one is able to answer, they will feel our strength and unconditional love for Sholom A"H and the family. Thank you for posting.. xx

At 4:08 AM, Blogger Carol Secor said...

beautiful and so true, sarah beth

At 5:33 AM, Blogger Daniel Edelman said...

SB, Ris indicated to me you were blogging again. Thanks for this one. Asking questions, seeking the answers is our attempt to make sense and give a sense of control over those things in which we have none -makes sense? Thanks for starting me off. so tragic. and nothing anyone will say or do right now will make VR and MR feel better - never to be whole again. Hashem should just give them the strength to get through this...and day.. see some good from it. Love,


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