Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Reality is allowed to be hard!

I'm finding it so fascinating that when I say that I don't like my reality or that it's hard, people I love dearly, seem to feel the need to suggest that I find things to do to keep myself busy. Or be happy or be thankful for what I have. Or don't think about the reality - distract myself. Why is that?

No where have I said I am not grateful, thankful or feeling blessed by the good I have in my life.
I appreciate every blessing I have been given.
I recognize it.
I'm thankful for it.
I love it.
I know all the things I "should" do or feel.
I know. I'm very deeply aware.

Yet, none of that takes away from the fact that the reality is hard.
I'm not depressed by it. I'm not wallowing in it.
I'm only recognizing and accepting that what I am feeling about my reality right now is hard.

I am feeling it.

Suddenly, my children - who I have put my full heart and soul and energy and life into for the past 25 years - have gone off alone or with their significant others and are creating their own lives where they don't need or want me.

So what if that is what I have raised them to be able to do. So what if that is what I have prayed for them to be able to do.
The reality is hard.

I don't need anyone to try to make me feel better. I'm fine.

Validating might be nice, though.
Why do people around me seem to have such difficulty validating negative feelings?
They seem to be uncomfortable with real and difficult feelings.
Hard and difficult does not mean impossible.

Reality is hard. Period.
Yeah. It would be different if I was wallowing or not functioning. But I'm functioning.

I'm actually celebrating how great it is!

Yet. It's still hard.

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