That moment before...

If I could hold on more consciously to that moment before, I might be able to appreciate and accept the moment after, with so much more understanding and presence.

You know what I'm talking about, right?

Like that moment before you start high school.
Or that moment before your first kiss.
That moment before you walk down the aisle.
Or that moment before you find out your pregnant. 
That moment right before you go to the hospital to give birth.
Or that moment before your baby takes her first step.
That moment before your child starts his first day of school.
Or that moment before she has her first fall and has to get stitches.
That moment before your first child asks you what sex is.
Or that moment your 2nd child has her first sleep over at a friend's house.
That moment you find out your pregnant AGAIN.
Or that moment right before you are handed your masters degree.
That moment you move to a different house.
Or that moment you move to a different country.
That moment you realize your children are speaking a foreign language with their friends.
Or that moment your children start breaking curfew.
That moment right before your son signs himself over to the Israel Defense Force, and then that day he becomes a civil again.
That day your daughter tells you she is going to live in South Africa for a year, and her presence is gone from your home.
Or that day your daughter passes her driving test... (actually still waiting for that one!!)

All these and so many more moments right before.

But the one I am having the most trouble understanding right now. The one that seems to have such a huge impact on my life at the moment. The one that is giving me butterflies in my stomach and causing confusion in my brain, is that split second moment right before your daughter tells you that she is seeing a boy, and she really likes him.

Suddenly, nothing is like it was a moment ago.




It's that moment right before you realize she was out all night endlessly talking about who-knows-what?!? 
Or that moment you realize she is floating around the house with a huge smile on her face.
That moment THAT boy is in your house more than her many friends who are boys used to be.
Or that moment right before that boy asks for your permission to marry your daughter.

And then there is that moment right before SHE becomes engaged to marry this wonderful guy who is going to take care of her for the rest of her life (please G-d)!!

It's that moment when you realize life for your family, and for your daughter, is really about to change. 
And the second that moment is over, you are no longer in that moment before. Life is now drastically different. 

This week, for me, is about that moment before. Trying to hold on to and remember forever the moment before. Feeling it. Tasting it. Breathing INTO it and accepting it.

If I hold on to that moment before,
I wonder what difference that is going to make for my moment after....