What are your values?

Thinking more... continued from my last post...

What are my values?
And where do they come from?
Why are they my values?

Why is that value important to me?
And how did it become a value?

Was it from my parents?
My rabbi?
My friends?
My community?
My religious beliefs?
My environment?

When do I get to decide what MY values are? Based on what, do I truly believe for myself that something is right or wrong?

Had a great conversation with an old friend last night. A friend who used to influence me a lot.
I remember having a conversation with this friend when I was in high school about keeping kosher and how I should stop eating at McDonald's. I stopped eating non-kosher, because this friend influenced me. When I was young and influencable (is that a word?!), I took upon myself a lot of values that I thought I believed were the right choices for me then.

Maybe that's how our values are formed. We listen, we take it in. 

I'm not saying I think I made a mistake by keeping kosher. This friend's influence - in this area and many others! - was clearly important for me. And I will be forever grateful.

Now, not so much anymore. My thinking has changed.

My thinking and personal decision making feels clearer. More personal. More about what I think is the right choice for me. And how I might influence others.

All the developmental psychology research says it's normal. Women in their 40's begin to reassess their values. They make changes in the way they live their lives. They go against the mainstream or the norm. (This is why so many divorces happen later in life -- don't worry, I don't intend on going anywhere!!)

I'm reassessing now. My values are different.

The choices that were deathly important to me years ago, are no longer.

I'm feeling internally quiet and content for the first time. More sure.

All because I'm listening to my own voice and trusting myself to be able to make the choices that are best for me. And then my family...

It's amazingly freeing!

You should try it.