Week 2: For-Real Friday - Disappointments

Disappointments

This has been a doozy of an eye infection that has led to a lot of disappointments.

I am now ending week 3 and am still only at the tail end of this thing: itchy, uncomfortable, and swollen eyes, blurry vision, and light sensitivity. (If you look carefully at the picture I posted from our anniversary dinner, you can tell my eyes are swollen.)

Some days I have more energy than others.

This week Ari and I had a short getaway planned for our anniversary.

We were going to save money by flying on the points that Ari had accumulated with all his travel, staying with some friends, and just walking around the city. We were looking for a change of scenery and some time to create some memorable moments together recognizing 35 years of working hard in our relationship.

Sunday night I had to make the difficult decision to push myself to go on this trip while feeling crappy or to cancel.

I do not know about any of you but I have a very mean bully that lives in my head and tells me not to be pathetic. It tells me to push myself so I don’t disappoint anyone else. It tells me I can do anything if I push myself enough. It tells me that I will become a lazy bum if I don’t keep going. It tells me to suck it up.

I am very aware of this constant internal bully and spend a lot of time and energy fighting it.

On Sunday I spoke back and kindly asked my internal bully to sit back and chill. This was not the time I needed it to push me. I told my bully that I needed to listen to my body, which I knew needed to rest.

This hasn’t been easy.

Ari and I will reschedule our trip for another time.

Meantime, I am dealing with disappointment, wishing that my body would cooperate with my life plans, and wishing healing came in the time frame I needed it to.

Accepting disappointment when things are out of my control.

This is a really hard one!