Differences-in Conflict
My husband doesn't like it when I blog about my personal stuff - like my craving for chocolate and my feelings of being stuck. Don't know why really.
I've always been the kind of person to wear every emotion and thought on my sleeve. If you are not my favorite person, you will know it from me. If I'm feeling grouchy, you will know it, too. If I'm stuck, I'll tell you.
(This all, of course, contradicts Grandma Rose's saying, "No one wants to be around a *#^tch." Which I think about all the time!)
- Ari likes scary suspense movies. He will not watch anything where people, or animals die of natural causes. I won't watch anything that I have to cover my eyes for. I prefer not to have to think and after the movie is over, walk away feeling good. (I remember going to the theatre in the States to see the movie TWISTER - which was a good movie, actually - when I walked out I was so shook up that I thought a twister would touch down on me any minute.)
- Ari loves sushi. I won't eat anything raw, including meat, which he also loves!
- Ari likes to sleep. I don't have time to sleep.
- Ari prefers Jewish music. I don't!!
- Ari likes to work with noise all around him. I need quiet.
- I need to write and talk about my weaknesses, my frustrations, my stuckness. Ari prefers to supress them.
So I am in conflict. I would like to write more about what is really on my mind, but Ari prefers I don't.
"It's my blog," I tell him. But I don't want him to be embarrased.
I imagine there are other bloggers out there with the same or similar dilemma.
Anyone?
posted by Sarah Smile @ 1:45 AM
7 comments
7 Comments:
I think it is one thing to prefer to suppress feelings (of conflict, of stuckness, of whatever), and another to ask others in your life to repress such feelings. I prefer to express things, my family (no husband yet, but other family members) prefer to keep a lid on, yet I blather on about what I am feeling if I am in a situation where that is at all appropriate, and somehow the family deals. They are (maybe) even learning how to blather on themselves...
Best of luck! (I, too, generally hate suspenseful movies. I like dramas, romantic comedies ("chick flicks") and have lately been okay with superhero movies (Spiderman, etc.), although I cover my eyes or close my ears during the suspenseful parts!)
SB... I actually think this is an x-y thing. :-(
Early in my marriage, when I was trying to negotiate if I was "playing nice" by confiding in a close friend, my husband also expressed his discomfort with my inclination to feel freer to discuss "my business" with ANY ONE but him....
I think, over the years, we have learned to respect each other's comfort zones better (B"H). I know that while he is still more comfortable with less sharing, he has learned that my peace of mind is worth a WHOLE lot (I, too, have trouble hiding that grouchy side! GGGRRRRRRRR!) and now that we know each other better, he also trusts my instincts on what is "shareable" and what is off-limits....
In addition to simply being a more private person, I think that his initial discomfort came from wondering why his ears weren't enough. Explaining the whole women-bonding-learning-shared experience thing (albeit, ad nauseum) helped! Of course, my coming back after a good vent -- crying mea culpa! -- did NOT hurt either.... Some of my friends (good, and true friends that they are) had the good sense to tell me I was wro...less-than-correct a few times.....
Shabbat Shalom!
Zahava
You go ahead and write whatever feels right.
I'm assuming that you started your blog because you wanted to create an outlet where none existed for you before. And now you are seriously considering closing yourself off from that outlet???
If Ari wants you to stop blogging about him, that seems fair. But your blog is one of the few things in your life that is exclusively yours... enjoy the control.
~treppenwitz~
I don't know Ari but it may not be fair to say he surpesses feelings that you have and he doesn't appear to...
As for blogging personal stuff, that's easy: Set up a secret blog that does not contain identifiable information. Call him "Dale" and pretend you live in uh, one of the other Jewish states established after WWII.
The difference between a blog and a diary is that other people read your blog and so privacy is a touchier subject. I know that since my family started reading my blog, I feel like I have to be much more careful about what I write.
But ultimately, if you can't use your blog to clear your mind and say what you are thinking then what is the point of having one? Since you blog for yourself, you need to be able to write about what is meaningful to you - and hopefully Ari will see that what he gets in exchange for having a little bit of his "dirty laundry" aired out is a more balanced, happy wife.
I for one hope you keep saying what is on your mind because it gives me a lot of chizuk.
Beth
I think it's legitimate to say that you have a greater need to share things about your life than your husband does, but there's also a difference between confiding in a friend and posting something on the World Wide Web. I also find that I need to share more details about my personal life than my husband does, so I can empathize. But I do think it's a bit indulgent to say that not only do you need to share, but you need to do so with a possible audience of millions. But here's hoping you convince your husband anyway, because I do enjoy reading your blog!
Sometimes I am afraid to write things that are too personal on my blog because I am afraud of who might read it and what they would think. But I think it's a great outlet (and I believe it was your husband who encouraged me to start bloging again!). Furthermore, I find your blog very inspiring and I always look forward to your posts. XOXO
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