May was a long time ago

May was a long time ago, and the last time I posted anything.

I appreciate those who have sent me messages asking for more, I have been censored from the outside, inside and in between.

I am constantly thinking about what I would write, how I would title my post, whom I would offend or upset, and whom would appreciate the post.

My head is always full of thoughts. Sometimes they go away, sometimes they just lessen in intensity. Sometimes they never go away.

To get me started again, here’s a list of some of those thoughts rambling through my brain, in no significant order:

- Money
- Money
- Money
- No money
- Spending money
- Wanting money
- Being choked by money
- Crying over money
- Fighting over money
- Being aware, for the first time (I am embarrassed to admit), of what money there is and what money there isn’t
- Trying to understand money
- Trying to manage money
- Did I mention money?

Ok, move on…
- My health, caring and not caring
- Living with pain, constantly
- Finding a doctor who might be able to listen and help
- Caring about people and not caring, who to care about and who not to bother with
- School for Ely next year
- School for NED next year, differently than Ely
- The surreal-ness and reality of having my only son in the Israeli army: worrying, not expecting, still loving, finding support
- Work: finding work (which connects with money again); wanting to work; trusting work; what to work as?
- Marriage: why some stay together, why some break apart
- Making time for my creativity
- Getting ready for my 25th high school reunion. Expectations. What do I wear on my head? Do I really care?

Without thinking really hard for something else, that about covers it. My head hurts and I have a tightness in my chest now, just thinking about all those things.

Let’s add coping to that list…