How "Should" a Parent React, 101

I, by no means, have the perfect curriculum for this class! I don’t even think I would get a very high grade. But I would like to think that I would get an “A” for at least trying!!

When DB was very little, Ari and I learned very quickly that he would react to a fall or a boo-boo by looking at our faces first to see our reaction. So when our son fell, which he did very often – forehead first – we would cheer, “YAY!” and clap our hands. He rarely cried and maybe that’s why he’s such a tough kid today. Our reactions were what helped him gage his own.

Fast forward to today: The teenage years. Reacting has become even trickier. My challenge has been to try to figure out how much to take seriously. And it’s always hard. Like the time MB kept telling me that she couldn’t see the board in 5th grade. I thought it was because her best friend at the time had just gotten glasses and she wanted them too. I kept putting her off until I finally decided to take her to the eye doctor so he could tell her she was making it up. Much to my embarrassment, the doctor confirmed MB’s concerns. She indeed needed reading glasses and still uses them today! But how was I to know? It’s like the old Aesop’s fable, “The Boy Who Cried Wolf.” I used to call my kids, Peter!

Last week when I was relaxing (well, actually shopping) in Baltimore with my family, NED called me and said, “Imma, you have to do something about my English substitute teacher.”
My first reaction was, “Why?” And then I thought to myself, “What would you like me to do from here?!”
NED continued to tell me that her teacher had locked her and her classmates in the classroom. My next reaction was, “Did you tell your father?” to which she answered, “He said you take care of school stuff and I should wait until you get back to talk to the teacher.” (Deep breath. Should I start here or wait for another time to comment on this one?!)
Hhmmmppfff!
So today was the day to make the phone call. I first called another parent that I knew (and who spoke English) from her class. They had heard NOTHING from their daughter. But recommended I call the school nonetheless. I asked my neighbor how to say, “locked the door” in Hebrew and made the call. The principal, lucky for me, was on a tiyul (hike/trip) with the students today and I was told to call back tomorrow.
When NED got home I decided to try to clarify exactly what happened one more time.
And it’s a good thing I did. Because it wouldn’t have been a good scene had I reacted the way I wanted to when she told me the teacher was locking her in the classroom! It turns out that a) the teacher was in the classroom with them; b) the students had decided that they were done learning for the day and had begun to pack up their book bags and leave the classroom without the teacher finishing the lesson or dismissing the students. Important, conveniently left out information, don’t you think?
“But school was over, it wasn’t fair. She should let us leave. Not lock us in the room.” You have to be able to hear NED’s urgency when saying this!!
And so, I gave her a quick talk about not leaving class before the teacher is done her lesson, and never to walk out of class before she is dismissed. (That’s not to say that I agree with the teacher’s method of locking the door, of course.)

Saved by not reacting with the same urgency as the child on that one!

Another quick one was the phone call I received tonight from DB at 10 PM, when he suddenly realized he didn’t have any clean socks for tomorrow.
Me: “Are you saying you want me to bring you some clean socks, now?!”
DB: “Uh, yeah. My socks are nasty!”
Me: “I don’t think so. Borrow a pair.”
DB: “OK, I guess I can do that.”
One of the good things about the yeshiva DB is in, is that it’s only about 15 minutes away. On the other hand, it’s only 15 minutes away and why can’t I drive out there at 10 PM to bring him clean socks that he forgot to pack for himself!
I told him I would bring him a pair when I was out tomorrow.

Saved again by not reacting with the same urgency as the child on that one!


Reactions. Parenting is all in how you react.

I wish my reactions were A+ material every time!