I might regret this post...
But I have a naging question I need to write about in hopes of figuring out an answer for myself -
The question is this: After 20 years of marriage and four children, why do I still get that awkward funny feeling every time I see a guy I dated over 20 years ago?
I can think of a handful of guys I went out with before really deciding that Ari was the guy for me. Some of them I went out with for only one or two dates, others were more. But whenever I see these guys, because the Jewish world is a small one and paths cross, I can remember back to details of our dates, where we went, what we did, and even what we talked about.
And for a few of them there were even feelings of some sort. So especially those who live in Israel and I see more often, it gets pretty uncomforatble - still.
Why is that?
There are two in particular that I see, that I know we are both feeling it - AWKWARD!! It's too uncomfortable to really have a conversation, but it would be great to hear how they are. Our lives have moved on. They are all married, yet I remember...
OK, no answer, but a beginning to try to understand. Because I always need to understand
More Sarah Smile ponderings with no answers...
posted by Sarah Smile @ 12:46 AM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Maybe, even if you don't want to think of it this way, you gave a little bit of your heart away to this guy, and he gave you a little bit of his. When you see him, and it's awkward, it's because you both know.
I think it's because we tend to idealize those old relationships, and forget the reasons they didn't work out. Also, seeing them reminds us of that exciting time when we were choosing.
Seeing former boyfriends are reminders of "what might have been..." and also of an exciting time in our lives when everything was full of promise.
Even when "what is" is good, it is never perfect. And there is a certain element of routine that develops over time.
Mother in Israel has a good point -- we are able to romanticize those past relationships, whereas our current relationship are full of the real nitty gritty of life.
Which is why I think we should start dating our husbands again.... at least I should!
Dating your husband is the best -- no need for anxiety, you know he loves you, you know that you are going to built a future together, and you can just enjoy each other's company!
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