Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Dear Friends,

This is an email I sent to some friends this morning. Thought I'd share it here...

Dear  Friends,
This is probably a more appropriate conversation to have in person, (which I welcome), but given our crazy lives and schedules, I figured I would email to start.

Last night you both asked how I was doing. Which I appreciate deeply!

It became clear to me, though, that you only wanted to hear good, positive, wonderful and upbeat words and feelings from me. It was obvious that you both were trying to "help" me see the good stuff going on.
And it bothered me...

I love my friends and appreciate their support and love daily. As you know I am an emotional and intense woman. I spend my days listening and guiding emotional and intense people. But I don't let my patients know anything about my emotional or intense feelings. It is what makes me an intuitive and caring professional.

There is an incredible amount of good in my life. I'm aware, I'm appreciative and grateful, and I'm even excited for it all!

But I also feel the strain and worry, stress and overwhelm of my reality.

I put on a show all day long. When I'm with my friends, I want to be real.
I don't want to have to pretend with you. If you find me depressing to be around, then I'll put the show on for you too. I understand not everyone likes or can handle being around intense people.

I know how to relax and have fun. I like it. I want more of it. But when my friends ask how I'm doing, I don't want to just say "Fine," and move on.
I want to be able to say, "Pretty shitty right now, thanks," and they still know that I am so grateful for the good stuff.

I am working very hard in my present day-to-day life to integrate sadness, disappointment and even anger, together with gratefulness, satisfaction and fun. I believe they can exist together!!

...I'm rambling. Being intense. So, to be continued in person....if you want.

I hope I haven't overstepped any boundaries. I just needed to express how I feel.

Love you guys dearly and so appreciate your friendships! Really, I do!!

Have a great day,

Wednesday, January 01, 2014

January 1, 2014 - Just like any other Wednesday

As so it was.
The next day.
I went to sleep on a Tuesday night, (in bed with my husband - all four children in their beds, and my niece Ella in hers) and woke up on a Wednesday.
The only thing different was the year.

Suddenly it is 2014. That number that I looked ahead to back then and thought, "Where will I be in 2014?"

So here I am.
Still married. Miracles.
Still four children. Blessings.
Still working as a therapist. Dreams come true.
Still in touch with old friends. Takes effort.
Still biting my nails. Bad habits.

Nothing has changed. And so much has changed, at the same time!

Thinking back, who would have thunk?
That I'd be where I am. This January 1, 2014?

And where will I be in 10 years? or 20 years? 

For now, I just keep going.
Trying to appreciate the day that I have.

**And as I go to click the publish button on this post, DB walks in the door. It's 8:00 am. So much for thinking all four children are in their beds!?! At least one of us is still young enough to celebrate all night long...**

Happy 2014 - Here's hoping it coasts by without too much drama!