Thursday, March 27, 2008


Yeah, I know I should write more. Now and in general.

But that's all I got right now.

Busy - doing nothing and alot at the same time.

Purim over and Pesach on it's way...

I keep trying.

That's the best I can do

Thursday, March 13, 2008

It’s happening

Since Ari is in the States, DB is in Yeshiva, MB is sleeping in Bet Shemesh to rehearse for a school performance, and NED is in Mitzpe Rimon on her tiyul shnati (yearly field trip), Ely and I are the only ones home.

When Ely was born I remember calculating the years:

When DB would be 18 (graduating), Ely would be 8.
When Ely would be 12 (Bat Mitzvah), DB would be 22 (maybe married?)
When Ely would be 12, MB would be 20 (maybe married?)
When MB would be 18, Ely would be 10.
When NED would be 18, Ely would be 11.
When Ely would be 18, I would be 51!!! Geesh!

Well, it seems time has flown – as I have not been able to stop it – and the first calculation has happened.

At the time I did not calculate that when DB was 18 and out of the house, that MB would be 16 and out of the house and NED would be 15 and out of the house!

So that has left Ely and I – and Ari when he’s in the country.

It’s a strange dynamic. It doesn’t place Ely in the fourth child position anymore. The fourth child usually has to fend for herself and do what she needs to be seen or heard. Until now, I guess that has happened. But it is still so early in Ely’s development. And now she will become like an only child. Which I have no idea what to do with.

The house is quiet. It is neater than usual. It’s a VERY BIG house for only two people.

There’s no more sitting at the door waiting for the kids to get home from school.

It’s time I guess to start to focus on me? Gosh, do I even know how to do that?

Self-indulgent, my father would say.

It’s happening. It’s the beginning, but it’s happening.

Life is an amazing process of growth and changes.

Big sigh

Thursday, March 06, 2008

47,000 hits

Change in format. I can't keep thinking up new questions. Too much pressure. So let's just go with the old Shabbat table question:


Would love to hear from you!


A sigh and a smile

Beautiful sunset today.

I was driving MB to Modiin to get her eyebrows waxed (How is it possible?!)

The colors reflecting on the clouds were magnificent. I pointed it out to MB. I have always pointed out natural beauty to my children.

A minute later my phone beeped to tell me I had a text message. MB took out my phone and read it.

An SMS from DB: "I duno if we get the same sunset but its realy nice here! Just thought of u"

A sigh and a smile.

I believe. I am thankful. Such a small gesture. It doesn't take much.

Thank You. My heart feels full.

Monday, March 03, 2008

What the Shaman says!

I get almost daily emails from my friend, Tom, the Shaman. They are called, "Today's meditation."

Every time he sends me one, it seems to be exactly what I am thinking about or need to hear. Today's was no different.

I went to a wedding tonight and found myself wanting to just dance and twirl around in circles. But stopped myself because, "What will people say?"

Came home and read the meditation. Here it is in a condensed version:
(I will call it, "Who is the real me?")

There is only one person in the entire universe that you have the power to change and that person is you. There may be instances where you believe you changed those around you, but you never did and can never do. If somebody around you changed, it's because they chose to change them self. The same goes for your self. Nobody can change you. Only you have that power and that choice to change.

Others can influence your desire to change and even provide you with suggestions and ideas but it is always up to you to make the choice to change.

To become the real you, you must consider what that really means. The real you is that person inside that you genuinely and truly desire to become. The real you is that part of you that takes on any challenge and sees past all
your obstacles. Nothing can stop you from becoming the real you, except you.

The real you already exists. That's why you have the ability to become that person. That's why you have the desires you have, because they already exist deep within you and are pushing outward. Becoming the real you has to do with chipping away the negative you through unconditional love and acceptance and allowing the real you to be... for all of us to be.

Just something to think about.