Friday, July 29, 2005

One more quick thought

If you ever thought parenting was hard, check out this blog post. I have been following Brainhell for months now, so inspired by his positive attitude and outlook on life. I don't remember how he and I "met", and I really don't know that much more about him personally, except for what I read. But I check in on him a couple times a week, eager to hear how he is managing and hoping to be inspired.

I take my parenting very seriously. Sometimes too seriously, I must admit.

I wish I could spend more time looking at the glass half full and not be so critical.

I wish I could be more patient and accepting of my imperfections, so I can accept my children's.

I wish I could accept my limitations so I could accept theirs.

I wish I could remember how it was to be laid back and not so uptight all the time.

My husband is a great father and he has minor physical (chronic back pain) limitations. But I don’t know that I would be able to manage the way Brainhell’s wife is. She is my hero!

I believe G-d gives us what we can handle.

Thank you Brainhell. I wish you well, and pray for your pain-free long life, even if I don’t know your real name!

A quick update

Before everyone in the house wakes up, and I have to start my bread baking and cookie baking for Shabbat, I thought I’d throw out a quick post.

So I met with two clients this week, one at the clinic and one privately. Both very interesting cases. The first one is very complicated and I hope I can find the right prescription to help her. The second was much easier and she wants to meet twice next week!

I was very nervous going in, but it felt very natural for me. I realized I have been doing therapy for years – in my kitchen, at my dining room table, on my living room couches – but just not getting paid. This felt more official, yet easy and natural. I look forward to being able to build my practice and helping people to get to know themselves better.

We haven’t heard much from DB this week (he’s in camp here in Israel) – except that he needed two towels. I’m hoping no news is good news and I’m leaving him be.

MB is still working hard as a camp counselor and bugging us like crazy to buy her a cell phone. She says she will pay half the monthly bill, and I believe she will. I still don’t want to buy her a cell phone.

NED has done next to nothing this week. Part of me wants to leave her alone because it’s summer vacation and the other part of me can’t stand having a kid sitting around doing nothing. I told her that she would have to find something (which means I will have to find something) to do, at least twice a week, to help someone else. I can’t have her sitting around being selfish. It’s just not my parenting style.

ELY made her very first hopscotch board with chalk on our sidewalk yesterday -- and as I am writing this she has woken up, so I gotta finish fast – she made the boxes and wrote the numbers, albeit a little backwards, all by herself. She was so proud of what she had done she played on it until the chalk had rubbed off. So cute!!

Off I go. My kitchen is calling me. Shabbat this week is somewhat quiet. Only 9 for Friday night and lunch. There’s a family of 8 visiting from Baltimore, so we are hosting them for the third meal. That’s quiet for us!

Shabbat Shalom

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Today’s the day

It’s the day I officially put on my professional hat and get to work.

I see my first individual client today at the clinic.

Tomorrow I see an individual private client, in a private office in Jerusalem.

Am I nervous? Yeah, a little.
I am, at least, seeing these people in English, so the language won’t be a problem.

My hope is that my Higher Power, Who gave me these abilities in the first place, will guide me along the way.

Healing the hurting and pained soul.
finding oneself
what makes you tick?
How can you be more at peace with what you are struggling with in your life?

These are my focus.

I am thankful for the strengths G-d has given me.

What I think about

All day long I think of great titles and posts that I want to write about. And then I sit down to write, and nothing comes. (Does that happen to any of you other bloggers out there? How do you remember what it is you want to write about?)

So once more, all the great ideas of my day are gone.

The only thing I really wanted to say before I went to sleep tonight is that my uncle called me from America tonight. I’m sure he’s the only one of my uncles who does read my blog (I could be wrong, correct me if I am!)

I love my family! And I appreciate their input. There has always been love and acceptance in my family. We always put our two cents into each other’s lives, but always always with love!

I just wanted to say Thank You Uncle! It was so great to hear your voice, and I would NEVER think you were a busybody!

Love you!

Sunday, July 24, 2005

It’s been a long time

Shabbat was fabulous. I wish MB would have been here, but having DB and NED and Ely alone was a nice change.

Ari and I realize that it has been such a long time since we have done real kiruv by just being ourselves at our Shabbat table.

I am not, G-d forbid, suggesting that all of the wonderful seminary girls and yeshiva boys that have been through our house over the last two years for Shabbat haven’t been kiruv.

But there is a difference. Over the last two weeks, we have had public high school and then this week, college/post-college age students, share our Shabbat meals with us. It’s a very different feeling for us.

A feeling that we miss very much.

And all I can say is that Ari and I make a great team!

We have a motto:
The only way to describe a rainbow to a blind man is to be a rainbow yourself.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Shabbat Shalom

I can't believe another week has gone by!

This Shabbat, MB will be in Elkana (honestly, not real sure where that is!) with her Bnei Akiva shevet.

DB comes home for Shabbat from his learning camp program about 30 minutes away. He wanted to hitchhike from there - I told him to take the bus instead.

NED is home and back to herself. Wish me patience.

Ely gets yummier everyday. Is it fair for me to say to her, "Don't grow up?!"

Ari will go to work tomorrow and then play basketball when he gets home. It is not my favorite part of his work and play schedule!

I will be cooking all day. Only us for Shabbat Friday night and lunch (as of this writing!). But we have 8 boys and 4 girls here for the third Shabbat meal.
Should be interesting. I'm ready to be invited out.

I pray this Shabbat brings peace and love to the Jewish people and the whole world.

Hashem should hear our prayers.

Shabbat Shalom

Thursday, July 21, 2005

What makes you cry?

When we lived in Boston, and I had a television, and had nothing else to do at 11:00 every morning, I would watch Bob Barker on “The Price is Right” and cry like a baby! I can’t explain why – but every time someone would get called up or won a prize, I would cry.

I recently ordered online a Broadway’s Best CD. My goal is to keep my kids cultured. I want them to come to know and love the Broadway shows and classic hits I grew up and continue to love. I was driving home from Jerusalem, feeling very heavy in my heart for all the intensity going on in this country now, listening to my new CD.

“Shall We Dance” from Yul Brenner’s The King and I, started playing. At the music crecendo, when the King and Anna begin to dance arm in arm, I began to cry. What was it?

Was it the intensity of listening to the music, while driving along side an Arab village?

Was it my desperate longing to be onstage again; to be dancing; to feel the music in my bones?

Was it remembering my childhood? Thailand? A time so long ago, I sometimes wonder if it actually happened? (How many of you know that I lived in Bangkok, Thailand from the time I was 3 until 7 years old?)

I felt kinda silly crying then, as I finished my drive home.

It’s such a difficult time here. I can’t read the news - Can’t really understand too much on the radio - it’s just so depressing to me.

What is going on here? I’m not a political person – I don’t really know enough. But I know human nature and human needs.

People being taken out of their homes in the hope that it will stop the violence or bring peace, is a joke. It just can't happen. I feel so helpless!

It makes me cry all over again.

I need to daaven (pray) more.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

by the way

As mentioned before, my ulpan teacher's mother passed away this week. I had intended to go to her home to pay a shiva call (which is what we Jews call visiting someone in their home after a blood relative or spouse passes away).

Instead, she asked that we call her.

So I did.

And for the first time, I paid a shiva call over the phone --


go me...

Quick check-in

Gotta do this quick while “the house” is still sleeping.

It’s 7:30 am on Wednesday.

I have already walked the perimeter of the yishuv in 30 minutes. My legs are pounding and I broke a sweat – so that makes it worth it.

I have to wake up MB and Ely soon to get ready for camp. MB has been co-counseling with another friend, a group of 8 – 10 little 4 and 5 year olds everyday, except Friday and Saturday from 8:30 – 4. She is awesome and I am so proud of her creativity and energy. (Who does she remind you of?) The camp rotates from house to house every fourth day. I’ve already done my time!

NED will stay asleep until she wants to get up – still recovering from overnight camp. Her voice is still very hoarse and I am wondering when I should stop being worried about that. I will soon get her up earlier and out of the house to volunteer or work or SOMETHING!!

DB comes home this Shabbat and then goes back on Sunday. He seems to be enjoying himself. “no news is good news,” I guess. He’s in that teenage ‘I don’t communicate’ phase. Yuck! I hate it! Where did my sweet little boy go?!?!

Uncle Elly Krimsky has been staying with us for the last week and a half – he leaves tonight. It was great for Ari to have a good friend around. We gotta find him a wife!

Dovid is still here. Brother Yaakov moves in on Saturday night. What a party it will be!

I went yesterday to look at some office space to rent. It was a small but full-of-light office in the heart of Jerusalem – perfect location. She will charge me rent by the hour until I can build up a practice. Best of all, she wants to redecorate a little and has asked me to help her do so – Woo-hoo! An office I can decorate! Now, I need to get clients…

I will struggle through another Hebrew-only group this morning. Thanks to my good friend, Atara, who left me with the question, “What do I have to loose?”, I have decided to stick it out for now. It’s frustrating to not be able to be professional, not be able to ask questions, or give feedback, but on the other hand, I’ll learn Hebrew and patience. So I will stare at these women as they cry and emote in Hebrew and I just smile and nod my head…

My ulpan teacher’s mother past away, so I want to go to the shiva house before ulpan tonight – we will no doubt have a substitute.

I have lots of deep pondering thoughts about the disengagement and the Kassamim falling in and near Gaza, and the soldiers resisting and settlers marching, but I don’t have the mental energy to write about it.

Off I go – time to wake up my household.
Why again is it my responsibility? Would anyone wake up if I didn’t wake them? (Including Ari?!)

What, again, is my job title/description?!

Friday, July 15, 2005

Shabbat Shalom

Cookies are made and in the freezer.

Ice cream and brownies are made (ice cream in the freezer.)

Harvey Wallbanger cake (made with vodka, OJ and ameretto) is ready to be glazed.

Broccoli kugel and gefilte fish done.

Baked ziti for Seudat Shlishit is done.

That's my head start for cooking tomorrow.

I'd like to be up to walk by 6:30 and then make the challah ...

Wishing everyone a peaceful Shabbat!

P.S. Had my meeting today. I was assigned 3 clients to start. I was given a referral for a private client, so I will go look at someone's office to rent next week.

I will now have the added challenge of managing my professional vs. personal time. I think I should be thankful this is all working out. I'm still a little nervous!

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Over 12,000

By the way! Besides Ed and Tonny and Hindu, who still reads this?

What I should be doing

I have decided that once a week writing is all I can handle these days. If I can manage more, you will hear from me.

I have started and erased several posts from here.

I can't seem to get my thoughts down in clear, meaningful words.

I want to tell you about Shabbat with my brother Matthew and family.

I want to kvetch about all the laundry I had to do this week and am still looking at the basket full of clothes, waiting to be folded.

I want to share with you the shopping experience I had with DB before sending him off to camp. Faded, baggy pants, oversized shirts and all.

I want to tell you how NED has called from camp, twice -- crying because she's in another fight with her friends

I want to tell you how I have lost confidence in the doctor we went to see for Ely's ears/ adnoids.

I want to tell you about the empowerment group I tried to co-lead today, and how I didn't understand anything the women were saying.

I want to share my frustrations, my stories, my surprises.

But I can't seem to write it all out...

What I should be doing is starting to bake for Shabbat.

Tomorrow is my meeting at the Family Clinic at Neve about my starting work there. I will take on 4-6 clinical hours a week to start. I'll know more details tomorrow.

Big, fun crowd for Shabbat. The Weinstocks are visiting from Manhattan. Yaakov is here with TJJ (public school kids), and Uncle Elly Krimsky is staying for another week. Oh, and Dovid is here for another month and a half.

What I should be doing is going to sleep.

Good night!

Friday, July 08, 2005

A week later

One full week of no posts.

In one week I have:

Spent Shabbat with 40 of the most unaffiliated Jewish kids I have been around in a very long time! I ran a group for the girls on Saturday that was awesome!

I went to the Kotel twice in 24 hours.

I got the AC fixed in our car.

I sent NED off to her first sleep-away camp.

I turned 39 years old.

Ari and I ran away for 3 days/ 2 nights to Eilat. No real words to decribe. Suffice it to say: I needed to get away BAD!!

Joined our good friend Sarah B for a Seudat Hoda'a (like a Thanks giving meal)

Came home and now --

I need to cook for Shabbat.

That's my check in.

Be back again soon, I hope!

Friday, July 01, 2005

Don’t worry

I am still alive!

New job opportunities for me - never have I been so in demand professionally. Flattering, but very overwhelming. Time to use my talents.

Getting NED ready for camp (BTW, she survived her girlfriend misshap. All was forgotten and everyone is friends again – at least this week! Thanks for all your advice and comments.)

Helping MB get herself ready to run a camp

Convincing DB that he is going to love camp

Reading and playing with Ely before she runs off again – to camp

Designing a new house – deciding where to put the sinks and windows and making sure I have enough counter and cabinet space. Remember? I didn’t want to have to be making these decisions!!

Oh yeah, and trying to find time to get away with Ari for a night or two next week.

Shabbat will be with NCSY Birthright in Jerusalem. 35 completely unaffiliated Jewish young adults. Ari’s thing – I’m just there to support.

Not much time to speak to friends.

Not even time to read my regular blogs. Teenagers at home – gotta fight for my right to use the computer!

Trying to find time to swim more.

Need more sleep.

See? I am alive. Just living life. Thank G-d it is busy…