I feel responsible...

I feel responsible to teach people what I know.
I feel responsible to help each individual in the world know the truth about life and themselves.
I want to teach about shame.
I want to teach about courage.
I want to teach about regret.
I want people to be more solid and knowing in themselves.
I feel responsible to teach what I know. Because I have to. Because I have something to teach. And I want people to learn it.
They will be happier.
They will be more fulfilled.
They will feel more complete.
I know it.
And I feel responsible to teach it.
But how...?

Why I've been missing...

I stopped blogging for a couple reasons.
But I think the return explanation is more important. No reason to blame. Better to take responsibility and move on.
I have been spending a lot of time trying to decide how to restart my writing. Really feeling how much I missed it. But hearing the critics in my head saying all kinds of mean things.
Elizabeth Gilbert and Brene Brown have had a lot to do with my return.
Here's what Elizabeth wrote in her newest book, "Big Magic," that got me to write again:

“Let me list for you some of the many ways in which you might be afraid to live a more creative life: You’re afraid you have no talent. You’re afraid you’ll be rejected or criticized or ridiculed or misunderstood or—worst of all—ignored. You’re afraid there’s no market for your creativity, and therefore no point in pursuing it. You’re afraid somebody else already did it better. You’re afraid everybody else already did it better. You’re afraid somebody will steal your ideas, so it’s safer to keep them hidden forever in the dark. You’re afraid you won’t be taken seriously. You’re afraid your work isn’t politically, emotionally, or artistically important enough to change anyone’s life. You’re afraid your dreams are embarrassing. You’re afraid that someday you’ll look back on your creative endeavors as having been a giant waste of time, effort, and money. You’re afraid you don’t have the right kind of discipline. You’re afraid you don’t have the right kind of work space, or financial freedom, or empty hours in which to focus on invention or exploration. You’re afraid you don’t have the right kind of training or degree. You’re afraid you’re too fat. (I don’t know what this has to do with creativity, exactly, but experience has taught me that most of us are afraid we’re too fat, so let’s just put that on the anxiety list, for good measure.) You’re afraid of being exposed as a hack, or a fool, or a dilettante, or a narcissist. You’re afraid of upsetting your family with what you may reveal. You’re afraid of what your peers and coworkers will say if you express your personal truth aloud. You’re afraid of unleashing your innermost demons, and you really don’t want to encounter your innermost demons. You’re afraid your best work is behind you. You’re afraid you never had any best work to begin with. You’re afraid you neglected your creativity for so long that now you can never get it back. You’re afraid you’re too old to start. You’re afraid you’re too young to start. You’re afraid because something went well in your life once, so obviously nothing can ever go well again. You’re afraid because nothing has ever gone well in your life, so why bother trying? You’re afraid of being a one-hit wonder. You’re afraid of being a no-hit wonder” 

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear

I could not have said it any better.

And so now I am going to fight that voice and write because I WANT to.

I'm going to push myself to do many things just because I want to! 

Today, for example, I spent an hour in my garden pulling weeds. Just because I wanted to.

So I want everyone to fight that voice. I want everyone to find their creativity and write, or play, or draw, or bike, or run, or sing, or dance, or colour, or organise that closet.

Do a little bit of what you want to do everyday...not just what you have to do!

It's been awhile

A long while.
a very long while.
like 3 years long while!
I've been afraid to write.
Not sure anyone really cared.
But I want to start writing again.
A lot has changed in three years.
So here I go. Let's see if anyone finds me again.