I wanna write....

I wanna write about my cousin Philip dying.

I wanna write about my daughter getting married.

I wanna write about my finishing teaching my classes.

I wanna write about my Rebbetzin passing away without warning. And,how lost and scared I feel.

I wanna write about my new relationships with my new sons (in law).

I wanna write about my other daughter getting married.

I wanna write about how different my kids are. And how after 25 years of parenting, I still struggle with parenting each child differently.

I wanna write about my frustrations and disappointments.

But right now all I can really write about is how, if I was to die tomorrow, my family and this house would fall apart. I seem to be the only one who knows where anything goes.

No one pays attention to the details. No one notices what's out of place.

No one sees the pile of dishes or laundry. Or things to put away.

No one seems to care 

So it all becomes my responsibility. And it pisses me off. I don't want it.

Maybe I've been a bad parent and enabled my family not to take responsibility. 

Whatever it is, I'm thankful to have healthy children and friends.

The rest is just stuff to complain about.