What gets me at Israeli weddings

It's not the happy couple, although seeing them so happy makes me smile wide.

It's not watching the parents look on with pride and the memory of their little boy or girl now all grown up.

It's not even the blessings given to the couple as they start their new life together.

What gets me - and brings me to tears, sometimes uncontrollably - is watching the boys call them young men - from the groom's army unit show up in their uniforms, and sometimes changing in the bathroom, watching them dance together. Hug each other. Hold on to each other as if they know something very deep we don't. A secret about camaraderie and dependence on another for your life, for days and nights upon end spent together really getting to know each other. It's the most profound experience to watch. It's so real.

And knowing DB is going through this now just gets me even more....

Ely-ism

I asked Ely if she wanted honey on her toast. Her response?

"I don't like honey."

What kid doesn't like honey?

I guess my kid.

No such thing...

I wish there were no such thing as:

- abuse. Physical,emotional OR sexual.

- the perfect body.

- drinking alcohol to forget or not feel. Or to actually feel.

- morning.

- distrust.

- suspicion.

- danger.

- unknowns.

Still trying to appreciate

1. Ari for bringing me home a new ipod that I still haven't figured out how to use!
2. My friends for listening.
3. Ely for giving me a kiss in front of her friends before she gets out of the car every day I drive carpool.
4. NED for cleaning her room without me yelling at her 10 times.
5. G-d and the doctors for helping my Mom feel better

Ely's cuteness

That's all.
She is so talkative.
And so cute.
With so many questions.
Love this age.

My 5 appreciations for today

In no order:

1. The pilot and plane for bringing Ari home safely.
2. Ari for doing such a great shopping job.
3. Ely, for waking me up this morning so I could get her ready for school.
4. My car for making it to and from Jerusalem.
5. NED for finally putting away the towels and sheets that have been sitting on the table all week.

What MB is doing...

I hope I can copy this video to my blog. Don't really know how to do this...




Look for Malka's back at about 5:21 into the video.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/video/video.php?v=105409859488053&ref=mf

How is DB?

Everyone asks me that question.
I don't know what to answer, really.
I guess he's okay.
I guess he's happy.
No news is good news.
I only speak to him on Fridays for a few minutes and he can't really tell me what he is doing.
He's alive, thank G-d.
He's healthy, thank G-d.
At least I think so...

How else should I answer?

Amazing NED

I just need to say she is exceeding my expectations.
She is really coming through for herself.
I believed in her, and she is doing it -- ALL!
Thank you G-d!!

Today's 5 things to appreciate

1. The person who called the house at 7:45 this morning. Yes, you thankfully woke us up. Otherwise I would have missed DRIVING carpool!!
2. My friend, for giving me a hug when she saw me at the supermarket.
3. Ely, for making me sit with her to eat dinner.
4. An "old" friend from public school who said she sent me Girl Scout cookies!
5. My doctor for calling me back to say he wrote me a prescription for anti-migraine pills

Quiet House

I think I am getting used to the quiet.

I am torn whether to invite people for Shabbat because I like the simplicity and the quiet.

Does that make me a bad person? I know the answer. I just feel guilty. I tell myself, I've done my time.

But I am just not interested in hosting so many people anymore. Maybe it's temporary...

Ely is growing up in such a different house and environment than the older 3 did. Better or worse?

I don't know.

For now, I like it the way it is.

5 more things I appreciate from today

Again, in no particular order:

1. My cleaning lady and the fact that my clients pay me so I can pay her.
2. My friend, the neurologist, who gave me a free consultation and diagnosed me with having migraines. Now I can get the proper pain killers.
3. Ely and NED for liking tofu stir fry.
4. NED's friends for dragging her with them to the gym.
5. The internet - I'm loving watching "Modern Family!"

5 things I appreciate today

Again, in no particular order:

1. A friend for telling me about the TV show "Modern Family." I haven't laughed at silly TV in a long time!
2. Our family neurologist friend who said he'd help me get rid of my headaches
3. Ely for wanting to snuggle longer in the morning
4. NED for putting away the clean dishes, even though she was dead tired
5. Ari for doing more shopping for us

shopping withdrawal

I need to win the lottery-
I need to shop-
for stuff I don't need-
for stuff I want-
for stuff I MIGHT need!

but who has the money to shop?!

Appreciation

I appreciate Ely for being my little big girl and still being home with me once in awhile!

Grandma Rose was right, they DO grow up and leave you!

Friends over family

I remember it well.
The argument with my mom when she had a family event planned and I had plans to be with friends.
It seems MB has done the same.
This weekend. I thought we would all be together for Shabbat. DB is coming home (I hope)
MB has other plans.
To be with friends. Before the boys go off to the army.
Friends over family.
I guess it was bound to happen...

5 things I appreciate from today

In no particular order:
1. My car started and got me safely to Jerusalem
2. Ely wanted to snuggle before she got dressed for school.
3. I brought my needlepoint with me to staff meeting so I wouldn't lose my mind.
4. My SIL took Ari shopping.
5. Ari went shopping for me and the kids.

More stuff...

When I don't blog often enough I only give myself permission to make lists of stuff I WOULD write about if I wrote more often:

- Mourning the death of one of "my moms", Mrs. Anne Cohen, mother of my very dear friend, Brucie. Mrs. Cohen always made me feel so loved and welcome whenever I was in her home. I can see her sitting in the kitchen with her apron on. Welcoming me with a smile and wanting to know about my life. She raised loving sons who adored her. I am sad for my friend. And wish I could be closer to be able to hug him and let him know that even though his Mom is no longer here, he is still very much loved!

- Raising children. Now that most of my kids are grown and out of the house, I see now how all my touch love, consistent, difficult parenting has paid off. I have given them tools to be responsible, capable and mature young adults. What more could I ask for after all my tears and difficult child raising? Now, to see Ely through the same process.

- Purim overload. This year after about 4 hours of loud singing and yelling with over 50 people in my house - I wanted to hide. I didn't want it to end - but I needed to hide. I was feeling overloaded. Too much noise. AM I becoming my mother?!

- Feeling compassion fatigue.

- Frustrated over trying to take care of physical stuff

- Is worry a misguided attempt to control my world? A colleague accused me of this. In a supportive way. Gave me one more thing to think about.

- Ari traveling. His nephew's Bar Mitzvah. I'm jealous. I want to see MY family. Should we spend the over $1000 and let Ari take ELy with him? It's only money.

enough for now