Appreciating my kids

There's so much I appreciate about them.
They're brave.
They're real
They're fun
They're thoughtful
They're independent
They're helpful
They're solid
They try
They hug me
They call to say hi
They speak Hebrew fluently
They understand Israelis
They love their abba.
They love me!!
They love each other!

Migraines

Four days in a row is pretty bad.
What is my body trying to tell me?
Am i listening?

Been thinking about pain and suffering.
My own, that is.

What do i tell myself about pain? And how to suffer?
In silence?
Suck it up?
Complain?
Will anyone listen?
Will anyone care?
Will anyone do anything about it?
Will I? Is it worth it?

There a lot of messages I tell myself about pain and how to deal with it.
Some from my family of origin. Some from my culture.
Some, I guess, from my own philosophy of life.

There a lot of messages in pain.

But do I listen?

My reality this week

It hit me tonight, as I was sewing badges onto DB's uniform,
This is my reality.
I have a son in the Israeli army. I have to sew buttons on his uniform and badges on his sleeve.
My daughters are going to parties for their friends going into the army this week.
This country is about it's army and the service young people give to it.
This country is about protection and service and care for others.
The kids watch out for each other. They know each other. They are all connected and cover each others backs.
As Ari and I sat watching James Bond tonight, Ely was asleep in her bed and our three big kids were out with their friends who are all serving our country in one way or another.
Soon Ely will be doing the same.
That's the reality here.
That's my reality here.