Over 50,000 hits! I wanna know...

...Who is still reading this blog?

With the invent of Facebook, I have no idea who still comes by here to visit (except for you, Spaz!)

Answer my question:

Who are you and where are you from?

That's all. Just wondering...

G-d is there

I believe in G-d.

I am a miracle. In many more ways than even the obvious. My life is a miracle. Who I am is a miracle. Everything and everyone around me is a miracle.

I didn't always believe. I used to question Him. I used to question why G-d would test me so horribly (or so I thought it was horrible!) I questioned how G-d could love me. I didn't appreciate His sense of humor. I believed because the Rabbi told me I did.

Over the years I learned. I opened my eyes. I questioned. I answered. I realized. I agreed. I accepted. I understood. I believed.

And still do.

I was asked tonight, "If G-d forbid something tragic happened in your life, would you lose your faith, your connection with G-d?"

I answered, "I don't think so. I believe everything happens for a reason." Life is about the challenges and tests sent our way and how we react to them.

I think I really believe that. I think...

I know I believe G-d is right beside me. Creating and helping me out all day, every day.

That's what I think...

That's what I believe...

Beyond that, I'm not so sure.

Wondering what's real

I can't tell.

I don't trust myself to know what is real.

Is real what I believe?
Is real what I am told?
Is real what can be proven?
Is real what I know, I know?

What is real?

Does "Maybe because…" make it real?

So are fantasies and dreams NOT real?

How do I know? And whom do I believe?

Do I live in the moment with what feels good? That seems right? Or is there a real truth to what I need to do?

How do I know if I am the way I am because something happened to me? Or I was born this way? Or because of something my parents or teachers or family did or didn’t do?

Influences, I understand. But how much of it is real?

And how come I just can't be a person who can JUST BE?!

And then I wonder, if I asked someone, whom would I believe?

Who REALLY knows what's real?!

How can it be?!?

I just turned 17 last week.
How can it be that my daughter is going to be 17?

I remember my summer of 17 - not my favorite one.
I worked at a bungalow colony in the Catskills with Sarah Ribakow and Aliza Haber and Cynthia. We were camp couselors for a bunch of chassidish kids. Horrible experience!
I left early. My parents picked me up and we went to Bethany Beach. I spent the week hanging out with Matthew Pedesen on the beach. Got a really nice tan and then went home. I had to wear cover-up on my shoulders for my senior pictures to cover the tan lines (the things I remember!!)

Then senior year... what a trip!

And it all happened last week.

So how is it that my MB is going to be 17?

I cannot hold onto the years hard enough...

How did it become this way?

Why is it that Ely comes into me every morning to get her ready for school and Ari gets to stay asleep? When did that become the way?
And how have I let it happen?

It's as if, even if I wanted it to be different, it couldn't be...

Wondering about that-