Wish I believed

Sometimes I wish I believed in myself as much as others do.

Sometimes I wish I believed in others the same way.

I wish I believed I could do anything I wanted.

I wish I had the confidence to believe.

I wish I knew what I was doing.

I wish I could decide without doubting.

I wish I understood my motivations completely.

I wish I just knew.

Just wishing...
That's all.

The 23,000 hit question

Here is the question because I have no time to write much else.

WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO BE DOING FIVE YEARS FROM NOW?

Let me hear from you...

All by myself

Today I met with an accountant to open a "tik Iska." A business account with the many government offices for taxes and social security and VAT. Don't ask me too much about what I did, because I won't be able to explain it!

For these "tikim" I also had to open a bank account.

And so, for the first time in my 39 years of life and 17 years of marriage I opened my own personal business bank account.

ALL BY MYSELF!!

Ari comes home tomorrow...

P.S. Happy Anniversary to BB#2 and wife!!

It was a very weird experience...

...to unexpectedly be face to face with the only other guy I dated seriously enough to think about marriage.

I was sitting in the front window of Cafe Hillel when, without even recognizing and seeing him come in, I was confronted with, "Hey Sarah B" and the sweet familiar smile and face of the only other guy I ever thought about marrying. (Did I say that already? Think I'm still a little stunned?!)

I don't think I have seen him since his wedding, which I think I showed up to long enough to wish a mazal tov to him and his family. His oldest son is in high school now. We definitely haven't been face-to-face since the last night we went out - 18 years ago.

He is here checking out job opportunities before making aliyah and was meeting someone at the cafe. We didn't speak for long.

But it was long enough to get my memory bubbles moving.

I remember our dates. He was alot of fun. He was a mensch.

He always had a sweet smile. He treated me nicely.

I loved his family. His sister-in-law was one of my best friends back then.

I think he liked me alot. But something was missing for me.

I remember the night I told him I didn't think it would work. It was a very hard break-up, because we liked each other, but "it" just wasn't there for me...

I AM SURE that as he sat at his meeting today, he thought of NONE OF THIS!

I on the other hand, am still remembering...


'Cuz that's what I do.

With a smile :)

No time to write

Ari is away - will be back on Tuesday.

My nephew, Berish, got engaged on Thursday. He's 22 years old. He was born when I was a senior in high school. Where did the time go? A HUGE Mazal Tov to BB#2 and wife.

I have taken on two more clients at the clinic.

I need a manicure badly.

I notice when I wake up in the morning that I can't open my jaw. I think I have finally discovered where I am keeping all my stress. My father would tell me to meditate...

MB and NED are fighting too much.

DB playing beautifully on the piano (and fighting with NED too much!)

Ely keeps asking when her Abba will be home.

I hate food.

Brother Matt leaves for South Africa on April 4th.

I need to prepare my girls group. I've spent 4 weeks talking about friendship. What else can I do with them?

Private client tomorrow in new office space.

Have to decide whether I want a long counter for my island in the new kitchen or an island with a drop table attached.

I think we've chosen all the tile for the house. Now I have to find the granite I want.

I shouldn't complain about nothin'

Life is good...

Wanna know what I did today?

Woke up at 6:15 and took a nice hot shower.

Ely woke up at 7:15 with 102.5 fever. I asked Ari, "Who's going to stay home today?"

I was already dressed and getting ready to walk out the door.

Ari stayed home. I packed my lunch and left by 7:45.

No traffic. I was early for my psychodrama class.

9:00 - 11:30 Psychodrama class. Great stuff!

12:00 manicure at the Plaza. Easy to do a manicure on stubs. Give me a week, the nails will be back (I hope!)

1:00 ran into Katamon (suburb of Jerusalem) to look at new office space to rent. Really cute space and only 35 shekel an hour as opposed to the 50 I'm paying now.

1:30 I met Brother Matt at his lawyers office to sign a power of attorney for his kids. I asked if I don't sign will he not go? He's still going...

2:15 back at Family Clinic for my client.

4:00 - 5:00 another client

5:15 - 6:15 a couple

7:00 - 8:00 I drove to Kiryat Yovel (another suburb of Jerusalem) to meet with my own art therapist for the first time

8:30 - 10:00 Sheva Brochot (after wedding party) for a great new couple *(You can read a little about them below)

10:40 home!

Long day -- Very long day.

I have to be out of the house again tomorrow at 7:15.

Good night.

*( A little bit about the new young couple. The kallah (bride) came to Israel a year ago to study and came to us for a Shabbat meal, then became part of the family. The chatan (groom) is studying at the Technion in Haifa. Great kids. I studied with the kallah and Ari married them.)

The 22,170 hit question

OK, so I'm a little behind on my posting...

I'm still alive.

Really need to send out a family email update.

Still busy.

Here's the question:


If you could trade places with one person for a day, who would it be and why?


Easy enough...

Or is it?

Let me hear from you, even if you don't hear from me.

Smile :)

Need a good answer...

What should one answer when asked the question,

"Why are you so hard on yourself?"

Popular question

It seems that my 21,000 hit childhood question was the easiest so far for you to answer. I got 13 responses so far! And they are all great!

Comment #12, from Anonymous, asked where I’ve been, so I thought I’d answer…

I’m going through what Israelis call “Lachatz.”

NOTE: I am not writing this so I’ll get a lot of calls, although I do appreciate when my friends and family call to commiserate or check-in. I really do.

Lachatz means stress or pressure.

I’m feeling stress from the pressure of everything going on in my life.

There are those close to me who would say, “How can you complain? You have a husband who loves you, great kids, a job you love, you’re building a house in Israel, basic health, loyal friends, what more do you need?”

And my answer to them right now would be, “I just need to complain right now. I don’t need perspective. I don’t need the big picture or the reality check or the long term positive. I just need to complain.
Thank you very much!”

So here’s the list (which you can just skip over if you want to):

Brother Matt just called to tell me he is moving to South Africa indefinitely, leaving me in Israel without any family. (Except my newfound cousin Diana, who I’m going to have to make more of an effort to be in touch with!) I’m very sad. I’m feeling a great loss.

The house is making me crazy! I hate making decisions – mostly alone. It’s not just my house. I can’t take the pressure. And I don’t want to care whether or not the room is too small or too big. Or whether or not I’ll be able to walk by the desk or whether there will be room for a second microwave.

Picking out granite? Forget it!

The money it is costing us – it makes me nauseous.

Starting new therapy ventures is stressful. People don’t sign up or call or express interest.

My teenagers are bickering all the time. They are rude and uncooperative. They are mean to each other and take very little initiative around the house. They think only of themselves and what they want. (I know they sound normal)

Ely is starting to say “no” more. She is spoiled and refuses to do things on her own.

Ari…

I have no time to see friends.

Shabbat has become more difficult to prepare for and have guests. I don’t go to shul anymore and I feel guilty about it – that’s stressful enough – my own guilt.

I sound petty and ungrateful.

I’m going to post this even though I know I probably shouldn’t. But please don’t call or write and tell me I shouldn’t have…


Thanks.